Ah, the life of a magazine cover mom with her perfectly coiffed hair and manicured nails holding a jolly, laughing baby in her arms. How I wish that were my reality. Most of my MOMents consists of wiping other people’s butts. Not very coiffed. If you’re a mom too, there’s about a 100% chance that you’re just as guilty of at least one of these not-so-lavish acts.
1. Had a baby wipe wash down in lieu of an actual shower because milk stains and spit up isn’t going to clean itself.
2. You’ve woken up with hair so matted you have strongly considered starting dreadlocks before whipping it up into a bun. Or, you can pull a me and chop it all off Samurai-style into the famed mom cut.
3. The sniff test. It could be melted chocolate… it could be a skid mark. Only the scientifically proven method of a good whiff will do the trick. This also applies to a dirty nappy, sometimes followed up with the stick-your-finger-in method. Class.
4. You know how you see mothers in movies licking their thumb and wiping their child’s face clean and then the child says “eeewww” and everyone watching the movie pulls their face?
5. The nose pick. I’m completely guilty of this one. I love the satisfaction of digging out a big crusty from my baby’s tiny cave of diamond boogers. He doesn’t seem to share the same sentiments, unfortunately.
6. Poo detective. Hmm.. bananas and blueberries from yesterday’s lunch. In all seriousness, you can tell a lot about your little one’s digestive system by investigating the colour, texture and smell of their poo. Not the most glamorous of jobs though.
7. Ate snacks in the bathroom/toilet/pantry/car. Anyone with a toddler knows that they develop a keen ear for the sound of crinkling chocolate wrappers. Don’t ask me how they still don’t hear the word “NO” after repeating it several times, though.
8. Used your hands. Everything from catching vomit and unwanted chewed up food to wiping a snotty nose when there’s no tissue – a mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do!
How many more do you have to add to the list?